Part 4 – My Really Bad Date – Defining The Relationship.

What a great DVD series, I strongly advise everyone in the world to: “Watch it!”

In his concluding presentation, Louie Giglio runs through a few of the pointers he had mentioned in the run up to Part 4. He says that he was approached by people in connection with a few of the things that he had said; so… 1) on every one of your dates the common denominator is you. 2) God’s agenda for your life is: you becoming the right person, not you finding the right person. 3) Limit the baggage you are accumulating and get rid of the unnecessary baggage you are holding on to. Make sure that you limit the baggage that your partner will have to deal with as best you can. 4) There is a higher average of divorces for couples who live together before they are married than for those who don’t. Sex before marriage tears things apart instead of making things more intimate. If you are living in a tide of sexual defeat, then get married to someone you are compatible with now, don’t go living in hate, get living in marriage. You are not going to find a perfect human being anywhere, so get over that ideal. 5) If you have any second thoughts after doing anything physical with someone, STOP. Once you have crossed the line sexually it is nearly impossible to go back. 6) When you break up with someone know: a) your brain takes the information in immediately, your emotions DO NOT. Emotions can and often do take a very long time to work through and get over, don’t let yourself drag it out even longer, cut off all connections completely so that your feelings, thoughts and emotions can all get back on the same page together (so to type).

Right, so, Part 4 – Defining the Relationship a.k.a. D.T.R.. Giglio starts off jovially by letting everyone know that the chances of meeting a millionaire and marrying him/her in the USA are 215 to 1. Not very good odds. He refers to a book that gives exact steps on how to find and catch a millionaire. The writer explains that you need to hang out at Yacht Clubs, Charity Events and Polo Matches. Ha ha, I went to a polo game in London and I didn’t meet anyone who was a millionaire! Anyway, that’s what this lady suggests. She also advises not to hang out in Laundromats {No, I’m dead serious, this is what the book is about!}. So that’s some random information for those out there venturing down the line of millionaire hunting.

Giglio defines the D.T.R. as the moment when someone exposes their heart and their true feelings. The moment one of the two in the couple say: “Hey, we’ve been spending loads of time together, what would you call that? What’s going on with that? Where are we going with this?” Something along those lines, that will either have the recipient running, agreeing or umming and ahhing. Giglio puts it very simply: in that moment “Let your Yes be Yes and your No be No.” Humans are scared to death of rejection. Scared to death of putting themselves out there and saying: “I have feelings for you, this is overwhelming me, I’m falling for you…” Giglio says that when that person is being true to their heart and putting it out there, it is the responsibility of the other person to be true to their heart, “let their yes be Yes and their no be No.” He is quite candid in his presentation and openly says that LONG before the guy ‘gets this’, the girls got it. She senses and knows way before the guy that something is developing beyond the casual… oddly though, if I think of the couples whose weddings I’ve been to and the marriages that are happy, lasting and working, it was the guy who knew first and not the girl. Giglio, however, believes differently to my experience and he says that when the girl asks the guy what he’s thinking, then honestly isn’t thinking anything. Personally, I feel that’s just a cop out. I reckon guys are far more intelligent, perceptive and sure in what they want to keep for life than they let on. Girls are made to love and care for everyone, men are trained to attain goals and break and build things that are not linked to people. So I reckon that when a guy knows, he knows. Still, it wasn’t my presentation, so in the DVD explanation: guys are slow. But, whichever way it goes, the point is, that person in that moment of “how are you feeling about us, because my heart needs to know if I can let it fall anymore…” that person is open and vulnerable to the other and can end up significantly broken, roped along, or set free…

After this explanation Giglio expertly turns the tables to our relationship with God. God is already sitting at the table with us; He has already sacrificed His Son to tell us how much He loves us. God is sitting with us every day, vulnerable, open and asking us: “I love you more than anything in the world; I have given my own flesh and blood to be with you, how do you feel about me? Have we got a relationship going on here? Are you ready to love me as much as I love you?” … and Humans, what do they do to God’s open love and vulnerability? How do they respond to The Creator, The King of Kings, the Lord of Lords, the purest form of unadulterated love in the Universe? “
“No thanks God, not today.” “No thanks God, I’m busy.” “No thanks God; I’ve got my eye on that hottie over there, not really keen on having a relationship that involves unconditional love.” “Hey God, that’s cool, but I’m just in this life for the sex. You have a good day.” “Lord, these idols, money, cars, houses, the stuff that makes me look good, Lord, that is WAY more important to me than the state of my soul.” “Ha ha ha Lord, me? Nah, I’m an embarrassment Lord, no way I’d look good with you!” “Seriously God, Me? No way, You should see me on a bad day, I’m not worth Your time. You have a good day now.”
The responses are in the MILLIONS of people who turn down the mind-blowingly INCREDIBLE LOVE given FOR FREE and WITHOUT CONDITION from our Glorious, Grace-offering Father God every single moment.

God is sitting on a date with you every night in the dark of your bedroom. Every night He’d love to hear about your day. Every morning He’d love to share time with you and prepare you for a great day. Every second He has YOU on His mind, sings about you, Loves you, tells His Angels about you, has your photo on His fridge. He loves you beyond anything you have ever experienced or could ever experience through a human relationship. He is the Ultimate, and He is saying: “Let’s do LOVE! Jesus got rid of all the brokenness, he’s sorted it all out for you, now let’s ENJOY life together!” … Millions and millions and millions of people reject that love every day.

In paraphrased Giglio words: “God says to you across the table: “I’m interested in YOU. I want to have a relationship with YOU. I LOVE YOU. Have you seen the steps I have taken to show you my love? I sent my only Son and He gave His life for YOU.” God is saying that He’s putting Himself out there; He’s being as vulnerable as He can possibly be. Where are you?”

Now, here’s the thing; Giglio makes a point that I can vouch for, that I have experienced, that I believe. “If I am FULLY accepted by God,” which we are, “then I can NEVER be rejected.” When I am fully accepted, cared for and loved in an incredible relationship with God, then I am never ever abandoned, never alone, never unappreciated, I am ONLY loved unconditionally. So when I am at the moment where I tell someone I love them, their response will not change me, I won’t feel rejected, because when God stood there and said to me: “I’m here, I’m open, I’m vulnerable, I’m waiting for you and I Love You.”
I said: “Thank-you Lord, I love You too, let’s GO FOR IT :-)” and my true number one relationship began. No human being can ever top unconditional love, including me… but here’s the thing that is most amazing and most reassuring in my relationship with God:
His Love for me outweighs my hate for myself.
1 John 4 v 8 “God is Love.”
Amen. Be Blessed, Be Loved, and KNOW God’s Love for YOU has no end and no limit at all :-)

Part 3 – My Really Bad Date – The Hook Up (a.k.a. sex)… There is no condom for the soul.

Ok, this one is all about the sexual side of relationships and how Louie Giglio speaks of his views of God’s perspectives with Biblical references… so I’m going to type what I heard and leave my opinions out of it. He begins the DVD Session with: “This is not a moral debate” or him being up there to command: “Do not.” The Session is not about making anyone feel ashamed or guilty or condemned at all. The point is not to diss the media or all the messages that our ‘culture’ disseminates daily at us. Instead, the mission of the Session is to pose one question to everyone about your own life, no-one else’s, only yours:
“God has given you the gift of sexual innocence (an unlit candle) which is intended to find, join and be complete with its counterpart for life. Something everyone desires deep down inside themselves, a person who we search for, pray for, wait for and hope for. What are you going to choose to do with your gift of sexual innocence?”

Giglio begins by referring to the old ‘negotiation’ line: “We need to know if we are sexually compatible.” Giglio states: “Good News! You are sexually compatible. You do not need to try and see. If you’re a he and she’s a she, you are sexually compatible.” After making that clear, Giglio interprets what he reckons someone really means when they say “see if we are compatible”… “They are saying: I’ve seen and watched and experienced loads of sex stuff, my brain is filled with all these images, are you willing to do what’s in my head?” Later on in the session, Giglio goes back to this point. He frames the scenario: “we get on intellectually and in all the other ways, but I’m not sure about sexual compatibility…” Giglio responds with: “Funny, because unless you have wild, wacko sexual ideas, then you are compatible. If you have a sexual agenda on that first date and you are imagining stuff and using porn and playboy and online pictures, videos and images, then TELL YOUR DATE. TELL THEM. Tell them what is really going on in your mind; because ‘sexual compatibility’ questions are not about sexual innocence, they’re about the images carried around in someone’s mind.” A sexually innocent person doesn’t have ‘those’ thoughts or images on their mind; they are more worried about the first night together on honeymoon than anything else. Giglio recommends getting rid of the ‘first night’ myth all together. Saying that ‘The First Night’ is not “it”; there should be no pressure. Go on honeymoon and what happens when it happens is what happens when it happens and it is all good. No pressure. He concludes that sexual innocence in that moment is a beautiful and awesome thing.

Giglio advises that instead, when you know a person and then you discuss sex, change your mind set. Have the idea in your mind so that you can honestly tell the person, “I have sexual drive, urges and desires, and I would love to offer them to you for your pleasure in ultimate glory of God. I’d love to offer them to you exclusively for your happiness and pleasure so that you feel and know, without any doubt, that you are absolutely beautiful to me and I love you with my all. I’m giving you my sexual joy for God’s glory.”

He repeats the question: “So what are you going to do with the sexual innocence you have been gifted with?” No-one else in the world can choose your path for you, or make you take any direction. You must be your own master and take control of your choice for your sexual journey. If you have a messy past, don’t worry about it, it’s ok, God’s not interested in your past, God’s interested in your future and a future in God carries no condemnation whatsoever. Yet, remember, when you start on your sexual journey, you light the candle that once held an unused wick, and once you have lit that wick, be it watching someone undress, going online to sex sites, delving into fantasies, full on sex, or whatever, then you can never have an unlit wick again. Once the journey begins and “you start down your sexual road, there are repercussions and what God entrusted to you and what He placed in your hands will ALWAYS be altered by the decisions that you make…”

Giglio states that: “you can’t just have a wacked out view of sexuality and expect to meet people and have decent relationships that last more than 2 months. You can’t expect to walk down the aisle someday and start down a journey that fulfills all that you have been dreaming about since you were a kid.” In today’s culture it’s common to hear: “we hooked up, but it was just sex. But it’s ok, because it was safe sex.” . . with a person whose last name I don’t remember … Giglio reminds his audience that as far as God is concerned: “Sex is union. There is no such thing as a ‘hook up’. Sex is flesh as one. Not a ceremony, not a minister, not even a certificate or a combination of all three can make a marriage in the eyes of God, sex does. As you become one body you become joined for life.” If you light your candle in the wrong context, you’ll get burnt. Furthermore, physiologically, women have a hormone within them that is only released at three points, it is a hormone to create attachment and the three occasions are: 1) Giving birth, 2) breastfeeding and 3) during sex. The hormone creates unity for life. There is no condom for it. “There is no condom for the soul.”

Giglio goes on to give marriage statistics to back up why he advises the unmarried sexually active {who desire to stop and move to the important relationship building stuff}, to break up completely for as long as they need to in order to get back to being balanced. If you are meant to be, then God will unite you again in His time. The stats – After 10 years, 83% of those who did not live together before marriage are still married and only 71% of those who lived together before matrimony are still married. After 20 years, 68% of those who lived separately before marriage are still married and of those who lived together before tying the knot, 51%. So if you want to raise your chances of divorce after 20 years of marriage, live together beforehand. Of those who live together and don’t get married; after 5 years, 1 in 5 are still together. General response – that’s great, that means you haven’t married the wrong person. Giglio disagrees; that’s not ‘great’ because your candle has spent five years burning and when you find the one you know you’ll marry, you’ll have to say to them: “I now have only half a candle to give you, and a lifetime of baggage to go with it, created by what I chose for 5 years of my life.” Louie Giglio asks: Why didn’t you just find / wait for the ‘right’ one first? His concluding thought nailed it: “You can get out of the relationship, but getting the guy out of you is really really hard.” {Please accept my sincere apologies for all the sexual innuendo puns all over this article, but, unfortunately, there is very little in our lives and culture that has not been connected to sex…}

Other stats – ‘e-harmony’, a dating organization, has published that the average person will go on 100 dates before getting married. Then, when they get married, only 1 in 4 marriages are happy marriages. Thus, in today’s culture, only 25% of the married population is happy, and almost 1 in 2 get divorced. Thus 25% of us die miserable.

Giglio reminds everyone not to forget that “sex is a WOW thing.” It is a great and good thing in the moment… then he follows on, as he refers to a passage in the Bible from centuries ago… if in the wrong context, away from God, away from your soul, away from unconditional love… then straight after that ‘high’, that ‘moment’, grief can settle in your soul in a heartbeat and you ask yourself in anguish: “Ahhhh, what am I doing?” … and that candle keeps burning and you can’t go back and make it un-burnt.

God says that: “Sex is God’s” We are made like we are by God. Male and female, as created by Him. God’s got the sex thing, He designed it. He designed you. He designed him and her in the first place. Talk to God about it, He gets it, He really does. He designed it. Let Him be in on it. When sex is great; who gets glorified? “Thank-You God!”, “Oh, God!”, “Yes!”
God gave sex to humans, and He included instructions on the best way to go about practicing it; and how to be pure, how to truly and honestly glorify God with His creation. From the beginning, Genesis: God made Adam and Eve, naked, together and alone. Giglio asks the men in half jest: “Seriously guys, what more could you want?” and yes, he has an answer to his own question; the rest of the verse in the Bible: “they were not ashamed.” Adam and Eve, naked and alone together in the Garden of Eden, were not ashamed. God made sex to be innocent and pure in the mind, heart and body; if it is not pure for you, then you probably are not treading in an area you should be treading in. If you would like to know God’s will, then Giglio offers 1 Thessalonians 4 v 3 where God‘s view on sex, and His will in this regard, are explained.

For his closing sentiments and beliefs Giglio tells his audience that when people have no centre {core knowing and base} in their lives, no true foundation to base their lives on, they turn to sex and make sex the centre of their being. He believes that this is an unhappy choice that a better choice is to have YOUR OWN STORY. And then, within YOUR OWN STORY, your LOVE STORY TRUMPS THE SEX STORY. You need to keep the life and love story going, and you can do that if you have a good, healthy centre; a God-centre. He closes with making the suggestion that it is worth surrendering and trusting God with your being, with your story and letting God meaningfully restore and renew you…
Remember: “There is no condom for the soul”

Wishing you a Blessed Easter… my current space…

Happy Easter Weekend Y’all

I find myself a bit behind in my general blogging once again. A friend pointed out the other night, as I mentioned “My Really Bad Date” DVD viewings, that I had blogged only on the first two; i.e. I haven’t got to the other 2 (“The Hook Up” and “Defining The Relationship”) yet. Apologies! I watched part 4 yesterday actually and was blown away by how it fitted into my “Purpose Driven Life” reading. It has also been insane how words from “Purpose Driven Life” have been included in the Easter Run Up Church Services I’ve been to as well. I just wish I knew what on earth God was trying to get through to me. What am I not getting?

The frustration of my new venture into “Purpose Driven Life” has been ghastly, which also reminds me that I never finished blogging on Artists Way! Ok, “Artists’s Way” – I managed to write 3 pages in a hardcover book every morning around 05h30 for 12 weeks, and have since carried on the practice, so I’m now writing for week 15. I wish every human being on the planet would find their way to the course, take up the challenge and learn about themselves. I won’t lie, doing the 12 week course and some of the tasks was hell at times. Unadulterated: “I hate myself” coming out all over the place. Along with many other things in my life that happened, that are, and I must deal with. Now that they are there in writing, my soul has informed me of what is standing in my way, what I have to work on and how I can get closer to creating an incredible me. Self-exploration is SO IMPORTANT. Finding out which moment in which year changed everything, how it changed everything, and how the moment is not permanent and nor is its influence, unless I choose for it to be… Yes, I learnt so much while hating myself and spitting words onto the page at 05h30 in the morning. I met me, unadulterated, uncovered, unpolite, real me. The child, the sinner, the saint, the glorious mix of craziness and hope and perseverance that is my character, along with so much faith that all will eventually be ok, I will eventually be ok. Synchronicity – that continues in hectic ways!

A day in this week: I was premenstrual and craving chocolate. Wishing I had one. Walked onto the field with the grade 8’s and there was a Bar One, unopened, ready for me right at my feet. I applied the old ‘Finders Keepers’ rule, figured that the person clearly didn’t want it if they hadn’t eaten it, and there was no way it would sit there for the original owner to find it. I tossed all the guilt into a corner, which now asks me to apologise to the owner and THANK them for leaving me what I devoured. Regardless of the guilt at ‘stealing’, the wish and the granting happened within hours. Now, with “Purpose Driven Life”, each day I read and each day a point is matched by an external source. I still haven’t figured out the “why?” though, why am I experiencing overwhelming synchronicity all over the place? What am I supposed to be doing with it? I find it most frustrating not to know… ugh… Yes, “feeling stuck and a waste of space” came up loads in my “Artist Way” pages too, purposeless for years and I don’t know why.

Now, I have been blogging on my journey through this new book, BUT, my points are not ones that the religious would appreciate. So I have added a page to my site and I’m logging the blogs in there, bearing in my mind that if God wants to use any of it, He’ll direct those who need to read to the page. That’s me not blogging here for the next while… but I do hope to finish the “My Really Bad Date” blogs a.s.a.p.!

Blessedly GLORIOUS EASTER wishes to you and yours – may the AWESOMENESS of it overwhelm you in every way possible. Ocean Sunrise Breakfast here I come :-)

14.4.14 – “Class”… upper or lower? Where’s my fit?

I have long pondered the realms of my existence and how much it differs with others and their existence. I have pondered class difference, and how this word ‘class’ can / should be defined, and how people use it to stereotype and box other human beings. I have worked with cleaners, C.E.O.s, managers, labour force and such a wide variety of ‘class’, ‘intelligence’, ‘social’ and ‘political’ mix-ups and combinations in my short life. Now it appears to me that the options for ‘being a human being’ are truly expansive and extend beyond the realms of what most people see in their limited vision, restricted space and ritualistic lifestyles.

I fall into a ‘middle-class’ monetary bracket and have reached a highish level in the academic echelons. I interact with many who are on anti-depressants, many who are not happy with life and are searching for more. Outside of private conversation, around the dinner table, conversations often revolve around booze, sport, sexual innuendo, work and travel. I am there, I can contribute, but mostly I just listen and wonder what is going on with their souls. I feel like I do not fit because my focus in life is not, nor has it ever been about, pleasing my body alone, or this world I live in. I don’t have ‘sex’ stories or enough “we were so drunk…” stories to contribute anything that would interest many people. So I sit and listen and hear my own inner voice saying: “surely this isn’t it?” Then the night will wear on as I sit. Somehow souls end up next to me and in one evening I’ll go from a philosophical conversation on acceptance, even though the person doesn’t have the words to tell me what they mean, but give me a: “you get what I’m saying…”. A second topic on relationships and affairs and whether or not it is worth getting married, which couples appear to be working, which not: “I think they are working, but I can’t put my finger on why, but you know what I mean…” “He’s having affairs, but if his wife doesn’t find out it’s ok, I won’t tell her, know what I mean…” Third, “I only have one tot in a long glass, so I always have litres of water every night, it’s good, you know what I mean…” The examples are endless… but similar, without being able to say what they mean – you know what I mean…

No, I don’t know what they mean. I don’t understand why they would play sport to keep their bodies fit and young, but feed themselves alcohol (a.k.a. hospital wound disinfectant) which destroys their bodies. I don’t know why you would promote marriage, enter marriage, but have affairs and forthrightly act to destroy that marriage. Why be out to please every single person, get accepted by everyone, but you cannot accept yourself? You cannot love yourself? Contradiction after contradiction after contradiction. This is great skin cream / make up for staying young, so why are you smoking to cause aging?

I reflect on this and know that the response to faith is similar too, “I don’t quite… but you know what I mean…” Do the ‘upper’ circles passing judgments and comments all over the place really know what they mean? Do they know they live in permanent contradiction? If they did, surely they would correct themselves and have the words to express it and leave nothing open to “whatever you are interpreting it to be” or “I believe ‘a’ and practice ‘b’, get my drift, nudge nudge…”. I hear no solid answers, no concrete: “This is what I mean, and this is what I’m standing for and living by.” Is it a polite thing? Is it an “I don’t want to be excluded” thing? Is it an “I want to accepted” thing? Or is it a genuine: “I have no idea” thing? Is it a coping method? It appears to me as a polite nothingness in the upper middle arena, whereas the lower arena of people, as crude as they often seem to be, seem to know what they mean, and seem to contradict themselves less. They are also more forthcoming with gratitude and awe and stories of faith and life where hands have gotten dirty and life has been lived in its rawness, no politeness about it… I ponder on my observations and experiences. The lower classes, and those where each day is seen as a blessing, and words are seldom minced, versus those where each day is a labour, something not achieved, something left unsettled… there are so many mixes, so many purposes and none can be seen as ‘the best’ or ‘the right’ way, they all just are. Where do I fit? Is still the question that looms before me, it’s not in the upper, the middle or the lower arenas that are like foreign planets to each other, nor is it alone or exclusively with other ‘mis’fits…

Once again God stepped in. I returned from another ‘upper-middle-class’ function once again tossing questions in my mind and
God took me back to Tolstoy, a book I own by ‘chance’. “Confessions” 1879, pg 56: “The whole life of believers in our circle {upper class} was a contradiction of their faith, but the whole life of the working-folk believers was a confirmation of the meaning of life which their faith gave them.”

Page 56, “In contrast with what I had seen in our circle {upper class}, where the whole of life is passed in idleness, amusement and dissatisfaction, I saw that the whole life of these people {lower class} was passed in heavy labour, and that they were content with life.”

Page 57, “And I began to look well into the life and faith of these people {working class}, and the more I considered it the more I became convinced that they have a real faith which is a necessity to them and alone gives their life a meaning and makes it possible from them to live.”

Page 58, “It came about that the life of our circle, the rich and learned, not merely became distasteful to me, but lost all meaning in my eyes. All our actions, discussions, science and art, presented itself to me in a new light. I understood that it is all self-indulgence, and that to find meaning in it is impossible; while the life of the labouring people, the whole of mankind who produce life, appeared to me in its true significance.”

Having finished ‘The Artist’s Way’ now and yesterday, Palm Sunday, I began ‘The Purpose Driven Life’ once again, I continue to pursue these ideas of the meaning of life, no, the meaning of my life, the way in which I’m meant to leave my mark in some way on this planet, and how I am traveling towards the core of my purpose and my desire to be true to myself and live in love through it all… and I wonder if maybe a little of Tolstoy’s, Cameron’s, Warren’s, Walsch’s and other such souls chatted to mine before mine found its way into this body…

Incompetence INFURIATES ME!

Incompetence
Good evening. I’m writing this blog, once again, from a place of complete anger and frustration, where I have nowhere else to vent and let go of the anger inside me. I’m vexed because people are NOT COMMUNICATING like it is supposed to be done – LISTEN, READ, RESPOND TO CORRECT TOPIC! People are not LISTENING TO or genuinely reading other people at all. It keeps confronting me over and over again, this apathy and laziness and disinterest in doing one’s job competently and effectively, this inability to communicate to a question and respond accordingly!

It starts at the school level… Grade 8:
Question: “Write about creating …”… Answer: “In presenting…” When did the creation become the final presentation?

Then Grade 12 feedback on the matric papers every year: Learners MUST ANSWER THE QUESTION. For example: Write about Stanislavski… Answer: Grotowski… They aren’t even from the same country!

Then it explodes from the microcosm into the macrocosm of my life – Tellers at the tills.
Me: “How are you?” … Teller: “Do you want a plastic bag”… how the BEEP is that an answer to the question?

Then – Service providers (no flipping service about it!). I emailed my insurance company this week asking them to please let me know the number I need to call in an emergency car accident to get the right tow company etc, and why have they started taking an extra R10.00 off my account each month for no reason whatsoever? … Here’s the email, the reply and my response to that reply… to the person who could not be bothered to READ MY EMAIL!
Me: Good Day,
Please would you assist me with two points:
1) If I am in an emergency on the side of the road, what number do I contact to initiate towing etc?
2) My debit order went up by R10.00 a month this month. Please advise why as I was not informed or contacted about this.
Thank-you

Them: I tried contacting you yesterday after 3pm and again this morning.
Please advise me of the date of loss in order for me to register the claim.
I trust you find this in order.

Me: I didn’t receive any missed calls on my phone at all, nor any messages?
I’m not sure what claim you are referring to?
My questions were:
1) If I am in an emergency on the side of the road, what number do I contact to initiate towing etc, so I’m not left alone on the road dealing with a tow-truck driver?
2) My debit order went up by R10.00 a month this month. Please advise why as I was not informed or contacted about this.

Ahh, but that was not the end of my frustration. I recently took up a points system with my Medical Aid. I filled in all the details correctly and received 2 items in the mail, but not the third. So I emailed them to find out why and they replied to tell me that I haven’t filled in my address properly!@#$! How is that possible when I have already received the two other items in the mail?!?!?!? So I reply asking them to explain how it is possible, and what do they do? They couldn’t freaking well be bothered to read my email and they reply with a generic response apologizing and that they are sending me another card that I have to pay for! AND THEN THEY TAKE MONEY OUT OF MY BANK ACCOUNT!!!!! They STEAL MONEY from me!!! And the bank let it happen!!!
Here’s that correspondence:
Me: Thank-you for the response.
I have gone into the site and cannot find where my address is logged differently?
I have received my …. card, why would that get to me, along with my magazine and not this card?
Please let me know as I find this very odd.

Them: We have ordered a replacement card for your HealthyFood™ benefit. Your reference number is…. You will receive your HealthyFood™ loyalty card in the post in the next 2 weeks.
If you have any more queries, you can contact us.

Me – replied with an email that began with : “I AM LIVID!” and went on to ask them how dare they steal money from me, to return it and I’ll return their card!

WITH TEARS IN MY EYES LORD, WHERE ARE THE COMPETENT PEOPLE WHO CAN READ???
WHERE HAVE ALL THE READERS AND INTELLIGENT PEOPLE GONE TO???
SIGNED, EXASERATED and – just as my fraudulent car sale and that mess no-one could care less about – HELPLESS!

4.4.14 Part Two: DATING – The Baggage Claim section

This talk in the DVD series blew me away, absolutely blew me away! Louis Giglio set up the stage with a little coffee table and two chairs, two mugs and a little vase with flowers. He then began to bring on these huge trunks and suitcases and plant them next to and on the coffee table, so the audience members were visually seeing a wall literally build up between the two imaginary people who would be on a date, seated at the table, drinking the coffee.

Suitcase one: YOUR HANG-UPS. When you go on a date you bring your hang-ups, whatever they may be. Your dislike of yourself in the mirror, arrogance, the-world-has-done-me-wrong, whatever. Every human has a suitcase with their hang-ups in it.

Suitcase two: YOUR MOM AND DAD. You genetically comprise of: 50% of your Mom and 50% of your Dad. It is not possible for you to separate yourself from your history, your parents, or your genetics. However you were brought up, whatever you tell yourself you will not have of your parents, it is most likely that you will end up like your parents. I remember once upon a time being at a function chatting to an incredibly hot guy and something happened and my response was literally: “My Mother would kill me if I …” I have no idea where the line came from, but it was there, the brainwashing of my Mother’s voice reared its head years after I had moved out of her home. Giglio suggests that meeting the other person’s parents should be one of the very first things on your agenda, because that is who your other half must inevitably become, and how they treat their parents is inevitably how they will end up treating you. Every human being brings their parents into their relationships. Giglio advises to put it out there: If you had a father who never hugged you, or a mother who kept her distance, realise it. Know when you are starved of affection, starved of love, know that you are bringing that into your relationships, and you may jump into any arms, no matter who’s they are, simply because you feel accepted, you feel hugged and less depraved in someone’s, anyone’s arms.

Suitcase three: WORDS AND WOUNDS. In their lives people have had the experience of being hurt, of being wounded, of having someone tell them something that has stuck with them forever. I had a high school boy tell me I was “too fat to date him” … I had another tell me that “You’re not pretty enough to be a News Reader”… and those moments, as many years ago as they are now, those moments are frozen, solid and non-erasable from my memory. How about: “Your sister is so much more…” or “Your brother is so much more…” or “You’ll never…” or “You are so…” BAM – Moment – Frozen… those words, those wounds, people bring them on their dates – they are there, big and looming… “Why would anyone date me, I’m weird, there’s no point to this.” … “I already know I’m a loser… I’m too fat… I’m too tall… I’m… I can’t ask someone to date me; I may as well end this now.” A big suitcase indeed.

Suitcase four: HIM OR HER (the ex). Whether you are still texting him/her, whether you are out there to show him/her that you are ok without them that you can move on, or you are just trying to get over the rejection of being dumped, that ex is still there. S/He is right there at that table with you through every sip of your coffee. You aren’t on that date to praise and be loving to the person opposite you, you are on that date to prove to the person who isn’t there that you are lovable, that someone in the world wants to have coffee with you, someone else is not rejecting you… so there…

Suitcase five: FALSE EXPECTATIONS. Giglio put it right out there and said that girls have NO IDEA how much pressure they put on guys. Why, he asked the audience, why do girls always have to ask: “Is this the one?” … a dozen times before she has even sat down to the cup of coffee… Giglio asks if girls have any idea how much pressure that creates? How rejection has been set up by guys and girls, and stress has been set up before the date has even begun? He said it is crazy to have expectations of perfect. Perfect figure, perfect intelligence, dress sense, morals, sexual drive, perfect family and all the rest that people set up as their expectations before they have even said hello. How can anyone live up to any of that? How? It’s not possible.

Suitcase six: SEFLISH PRIDE. “I’m going on this date to make myself feel good.”… “I am going on this date to be the best me I can be.” I am for me, me, me… not: I’m going on this date to learn about you, to love you, to be kind to you… “I’m doing this for me…”

I sat there ticking off my own list of baggage and what rang true for me in the display of suitcases and how much of a barrier of luggage I have on my table, on my back and in my life. Giglio doesn’t stop there. He brings out a SEVENTH suitcase. This suitcase carries The Ultimate symbol of love and acceptance: The Cross, The Crucifix on which Jesus suffered and was tortured in order to show the world what LOVE REALLY IS. He makes a crucifix out of the placards that came out of suitcases 1 – 6 and places all the suitcases under the cross, opening up a space once again at the coffee table. He picks up the gorgeous glass crucifix from suitcase seven and places in slap bam in the middle of the coffee table and says that Jesus is all that you need to bring on your date. He points to the placard cross and the suitcases under it and instructs the audience to take everything else there, take everything that is in your past there, bring it, ALL OF IT, ALL YOUR BAGGAGE, EVERY LAST OUNCE and place it at the cross, The Love Of God will forgive, heal, replenish and make you perfect to become a new you. The Ultimate love of Jesus will turn all your baggage into something that you can fit in the compartment above your head in an aeroplane.

All you need to bring on your dates is the crucifix, Jesus. Why? Because Jesus is the number one love. He is enough to heal your hang-ups and wounds, break the generational curse, he has already accepted you, He will NEVER be an ‘ex’, and He is the Ultimate the One who fulfills all expectations.

Once you have made God your Number One Love, you can sit at that coffee table knowing you are loved already, knowing you have been accepted already, knowing that you aren’t looking for a “The One” because you have already found Him. You sit at that table not judging, not hating, not selfish, no hidden agenda but to be there, to be kind, to learn about the other person and be there in the perfect peace that you are loved and cherished and no human being can ever destroy or take that away from you, ever.

For the perfect date: God Picked You. God gave His life FOR YOU. Your first awesome love relationship is already eternal. . . Nothing on earth can come near to matching or beating that, so don’t expect it to :-)

4.4.14 Life story TRUMPS Love story

A date too good not to blog on 4.4.14. What to blog about though? I’ve had loads of ideas and observable moments running through my life of late, but I’ve been so bogged down with admin and pulling my life into some semblance of order, that the moments keep running right out of my day and into the space that all grand ideas disappear to when they aren’t acted upon. Hmm, I may as well start with the now. What has happened in the last three days, other than my getting sick and on antibiotics? A DVD series by Louis Giglio entitled: “MY REALLY BAD DATE”. I bought it on sale many moons ago and for some reason it came back to haunt my conscience on Wednesday, so I put it on. . . WOW!

At first purchase I thought it would be like a breakdown of a bad date, as the title infers, but it isn’t (this was a relief as I haven’t started dating yet, so I didn’t think it would be applicable to me). Instead it turned out to be a logical set of talks on looking at yourself in the dating picture. Part One: “It’s not you. It’s me”. Who hasn’t used or heard that line at some point? Giglio challenges everyone to never ever use that line again, and if you hear it to laugh out loud at the person and to tell them to just get honest already. Instead of using “that line”, put it out there that you are just not that into the other person. Giglio reckons that human beings are petrified of just being honest and telling someone that they “just aren’t into them”, and thus make up stories to get around their fears and get out of the relationship / possible relationship. No-one wants to hurt another or be hurt in return.

The common factor, Giglio points out however, on all the dates that you go on, is you. So if every single person you date is “useless” or this, that or the other, then you need to step back and look in the mirror and find out why that pattern is there. He suggests a 5 step plan where you step back and be an objective outsider to your life: 1) Go to an honest, genuine, close, loving friend and ask them why they reckon you aren’t successful in your dating life. 2) Confirm. Go to another honest, loving source and say Mz Whoever said I’m not being successful with dating because of xyz, do you agree? 3) Work at whatever needs to be worked at and then 4) Go back to those people and see if you are making progress or need to change your plan. 5) Repeat / do as necessary thereafter. The idea behind this plan is exactly the same rationale as the blog I did awhile back from that service about Meeting, Dating and Mating; namely: It is far more important for you to be becoming the best possible you that you can become, than for you to be looking for the best possible someone else to try and compliment an incomplete you. Search for and learn to be an incredible YOU first, build up your relationship with your number one love – God, then let the rest happen. “Who you are becoming is more important than who you are finding”.

Giglio offers these reminders as he speaks: 1) You have great potential and worth. 2) You are a work-in-progress. 3) You have to begin to become and 4) LIFE STORY TRUMPS LOVE STORY. You have to have your own story, because no other human being on this planet is going to be able to give you everything you need all the time – ever (and to ask someone else to do that / be that, is just not fair). When your story and your purpose, your God –story, matches another human being’s life story, God-story and purpose, then you will have the most incredible love story going on. Yet never forget, you HAVE to have your own story first, do not look for another person in order to become part of their story. Your duty to yourself is to spend time creating your story, being in your story and, if you choose to, then making your story part of The Ultimate God Story.

Remember – husband and wife journey = mortal; and your soul journey = eternal. “If you don’t have a life story to bring you together, then you won’t have a love story to hold you together.”